Black tie optional can be confusing. That added “optional” just throws a lot of people off. No worries. I’m here to help.
As someone who responds well to boundaries, I actually like a strict dress code. Or rather, I appreciate a straightforward dress code. The first time I received an invitation with black tie optional on it, my initial response was, what exactly is black tie optional?
Does it mean you can wear any color tie? So basically, is it what I’d wear to a black-tie wedding but I can wear a navy bowtie? Did it mean I didn’t have to wear a tie? What exactly is optional here? I doubt it meant I could wear either a tuxedo or a button-down and jeans. And if I were to wear a full tuxedo, would I look too try-hard if I ended up the only one who did that?
Do one or all of these insecurities (or any other insecurities) plague you over this confusing dress code? No worries. I’m here to help. Let’s dive head-first into it by asking, what does black tie optional mean?
What Does Black Tie Optional Mean?
Black tie optional means exactly what it sounds like. You can go for full black-tie attire, meaning black tuxedos or at least ones in darker colors. Or, you can go for something less dressy than that. However, keep in mind that the hosts clearly want this to be a more formal event. They’re just being considerate towards those who don’t have a proper tuxedo or a ball gown.
As such, you have to be considerate and respectful towards your host. You want to ensure that, however you show up, you maintain the classy atmosphere they’re trying to curate. So this might mean a dark suit and tie for men or an elegant cocktail dress for women.
Next — since women can show up in, essentially, the more formal versions of cocktail attire, can men do so too? The answer is it depends. If you’re willing to navigate this, read on. Otherwise, just go for the darker suit and dark tie or a tuxedo.
Here’s a five-second primer. For men, cocktail attire, for the most part, means a suit. However, unlike business formal, you can go for funner, livelier colors and accents. It’s still formal but a touch splashier (sometimes a lot splashier).
Consider the venue, the season, and the event to determine whether or not you can go this route for black tie optional. Is it a daytime spring gala with a floral theme? Well, then, you can likely go for a tempered version of cocktail attire. Perhaps you’re wearing a dark olive suit, white shirt, maroon tie, and a boutonniere. Is it a beachside dinner in the middle of summer? Then you might get away with a tie in ocean tones.
Check in with the hosts. If it’s an annual event, research past photos to see what people have worn.
Black Tie Optional Attire: Essentials and More
Okay, so you now have a bird’s eye view of your options when invited to a black-tie optional event. Now, let’s get into the weeds of black tie optional attire. Here are some essentials, regardless of how you want to approach the event.
If you decide to go for a full tuxedo, you’ll want to have the following garments and accessories:
- A black or midnight blue tuxedo
- If you’re on a boat or in a warm climate, you can wear a white jacket with your tuxedo pants.
- A white tuxedo shirt
- Formal shoes. Typically, you’d wear shiny black dress shoes. However, that’s not a requirement. My tuxedo is midnight blue, and I wear cool brown whole-cut Oxfords with it.
- Black, darkest blue, or darkest brown dress socks
- Cufflinks
- A dress watch or no watch
- A white pocket square. However, these days, you can also wear other neutrals, including neutral patterns. Again, consider the event. An understated floral pocket square might work at a spring-themed party.
If you decide to go for a business suit, here are your ideal pieces:
- A dark, full suit. Not a broken suit. Again, if you’re in a warmer climate, you may get away with a white suit jacket with black pants. Acceptable dark colors include black, midnight blue, and navy.
- A white dress shirt
- A dark, solid tie. If you want to play it safe, just wear a black tie. As always, no two events are the same. Still, if you aren’t sure, it’s best to err on the side of respect.
- And again, dark socks, leather dress shoes, and cufflinks if they apply.
What About Cocktail Attire?
Remember, formal affairs vary. Sometimes, incorporating cocktail attire is acceptable if it’s on theme. I know many black-tie optional events in the fashion industry, which often encourage creativity.
If you know you can be a bit more casual, here are some tips:
- Find a balance. If you’re going for cocktail attire and want to wear an on-theme patterned tie, go for a traditional dark suit. If you want to wear a maroon or olive suit, stick to a solid tie and white shirt to temper it.
- Stay well-groomed; it should go without saying. This is especially important if you’re pushing the boundaries a bit with splashy cocktail attire.
- If you aren’t sure how cocktail you can go, just don’t do it. Stick to a business suit or a tuxedo.
Black Tie Optional for Men: The Importance of Outerwear and Accessories
Black tie (and its adjacent dress codes) isn’t just about picking the right immediate outfit. You also have to ensure that you don’t visually water down your tuxedo or suit. I already mentioned the importance of grooming. Unless you’re some sort of celebrity, this isn’t the time to rock those effortless beach waves.
The next important thing? Your outerwear and accessories. Listen, I love a good ranch jacket and corduroy jacket as much as the next guy. However, you don’t want to put one over your tuxedo when attending the event. Perhaps there’s a more laid-back, tie-off event afterward — a pub crawl, maybe. Well then, sure. The high-low might give your look a cool factor.
But don’t show up to a black-tie formal wearing an athletic jacket and novelty scarf. Might they end up in the coat check the entire night? Maybe. But what if there are some outdoor portions to the programming you didn’t know about? Who doesn’t love a garden cocktail hour during a special event?
Choose your most elegant peacoats and overcoats, as well as neutral-colored scarves. Choose handsome, classic leather gloves over brawny work gloves or overly techy gloves. Opt for smart, formal-looking umbrellas over brightly patterned ones from your local drugstore.
Fortunately, it’s not difficult to find affordable formal pieces. Department stores always have sales, and several brands on the internet cut out middlemen. While we don’t condone fast fashion, I also don’t judge people who live on a budget.
On the bright side, black tie optional for men is a lot less confusing than it is for women! So, at least, we have that.
FAQs
Hopefully, the black tie optional dress code isn’t as confusing anymore now that you’ve read this. However, if you still have a few questions, no worries. Here are some answers to the most commonly asked.
Can I Wear a Grey Suit to a Black Tie Optional Wedding?
Yes, you can often (not always) wear a grey suit to a black tie optional event. Go for a darker gray and finish it off with a white shirt and black tie. Gray is more acceptable during a daytime event than a nighttime one. Keep in mind that no two black tie optional events are identical. If you aren’t sure, just stick to black or midnight blue.
Can You Wear a Normal Suit to a Black Tie Event?
These days, you can usually wear a standard business suit to a black-tie event. This is good news if you don’t own a tuxedo. Just stick to a dark suit and tie; the darker, the better. A black business suit will fit in among a sea of tuxedos better than a navy one will.
What Is the Dress Code for Black Tie?
A strict black-tie dress code means you must wear a black-tie tuxedo. Again, these days, a black business suit is often acceptable, too. Just make sure you check in with the hosts if you aren’t sure.
Conclusion: Be Respectful to Your Hosts
At its core, what is black tie optional? To me, as with any optional dress code, it’s about respecting the event and your hosts.
Yes, technically, the word “optional” is there. However, if you have a tuxedo, you should wear it. If you think you can honor the event’s vibe without your tuxedo, you should probably still wear your tux. If anyone is gracious enough to have you as a guest, be gracious and make an effort to stick to their vision.
Questions? Comments? Drop them in the comments below.
