You know that feeling when something feels off, but you can’t put your finger on it? Like you’re doing all the heavy lifting in a relationship while the other person coasts along without a care in the world. Maybe you’ve been brushing it off, telling yourself you’re overreacting or being too sensitive. But what if you’re not?
The truth is, being taken for granted sneaks up on you. One day everything seems fine, and the next you’re realizing you’ve become the person who always gives while someone else always takes. And here’s what really stings: it happens so gradually that by the time you notice, you’re already exhausted. So let’s talk about the signs that scream “yeah, you’re definitely being taken for granted.”
1. They Only Reach Out When They Need Something
Ever notice how your phone lights up with their name only when they want a favor? Could be help moving apartments, a ride to the airport, or someone to vent to after a bad day at work. But when you need them? Crickets. Complete radio silence.
And before you make excuses for them (stop doing that, by the way), ask yourself: when was the last time they checked in just because? When did they last ask how you were doing without wanting something in return? If you’re drawing a blank, that’s your answer right there.
2. Your Efforts Go Completely Unacknowledged
You cook dinner, plan the weekend, remember their mom’s birthday, pick up their favorite snacks, and what do you get? Nothing. Not even a “thanks” or “hey, that was really thoughtful.” It’s like you’re operating on autopilot and they expect it to keep running forever.
What’s wild is how they’d definitely notice if you stopped. Miss one thing and suddenly they’re all “what happened?” But all those times you went out of your way? Apparently, those don’t count. That’s not how partnerships work, and deep down, you already know that.
3. They Cancel Plans With You… Constantly
Something “came up” again. Could be work, could be their friends, could be literally anything else that apparently matters more than the plans you made weeks ago. And sure, life happens. Everyone gets that. But when it becomes a pattern? When you’re always the backup option?
The worst part is how they expect you to understand every single time. “You get it, right?” they’ll say, assuming you’ll roll over and take it. Meanwhile, watch how fast they show up when it’s something they want to do. Funny how their schedule clears up then.
4. You’re Always The One Who Apologizes
Doesn’t matter who started the argument or whose feelings got hurt. Somehow you’re the one saying sorry. Every time. You’ve become the official peacekeeper, the person who swallows their pride and makes things okay again, even when you did nothing wrong.
And here’s the kicker: they’ve learned they don’t have to take responsibility for anything because you’ll handle it. Why would they apologize or reflect on their behavior when you’re already smoothing everything over? They’re off the hook before they even have to think about what they did.
5. They Don’t Celebrate Your Wins
Got a promotion at work? Finished a project you’ve been grinding on for months? Accomplished something you’re genuinely proud of? Cool, cool… but did they actually care? Or did they hit you with a lukewarm “that’s great” before changing the subject back to themselves?
People who value you get excited about your success. They want to hear the details, take you out to celebrate, and tell other people about how amazing you are. When someone treats your achievements like background information they have to sit through, that’s a problem. Your happiness should matter to them. Period.
6. Your Boundaries Get Ignored Repeatedly
You’ve said what you need (probably more times than you should have to). Maybe it’s about personal space, or how you hate being interrupted, or that you need advance notice before people drop by. Whatever it is, you’ve been crystal clear. And yet… they keep doing the exact thing you asked them not to do.
That’s not an accident. That’s not them “forgetting.” When someone repeatedly crosses lines you’ve drawn, they’re showing you that your needs don’t rank high enough for them to actually respect. They heard you. They choose not to care.
7. They Forget The Things That Matter To You
You’ve mentioned a thousand times that you hate seafood, but they still suggest sushi for dinner. They know you’re scared of heights, but book tickets to some rooftop bar without thinking twice. That band you’ve been dying to see? They had no idea, even though you’ve brought it up at least five times.
It’s like everything you say goes in one ear and out the other. And look, nobody remembers everything. But when someone consistently forgets the things that are important to you? When they can recall every detail about their own interests but draw a blank on yours? That tells you exactly where you rank in their world. Spoiler: not very high.
8. They Love to Emotionally Dump on You
They unload everything on you. Every bad day, every frustration, every drama with other people in their lives. You listen, offer advice, provide emotional support… basically do all the work an actual therapist gets paid hundreds of dollars to do. But when you need to talk about your problems?
they’re “too tired” or “dealing with a lot right now,” or they zone out while you’re speaking. You’ve become a dumping ground for their emotions while yours get ignored or minimized. Real relationships go both ways. This one clearly doesn’t.
9. They Make Plans Without Considering You
They book a vacation during the week you need them around. They commit to something that directly affects you without asking your input. They make decisions that impact your life, and somehow you’re the last to know. Wild, right?
What kills you is how they act surprised when you’re upset about it. “Oh, you mind?” Yes, actually. Most people would prefer to be consulted about things that involve them! But they’ve gotten so used to doing whatever they want that your opinion became optional somewhere along the way.
10. You Feel Guilty For Having Needs
You need help with something, or you want their time and attention, but before you even ask, you’re already preparing your defense. You’re ready to explain why it’s not too much to ask, why you really need this, why you’re not being demanding. Sound familiar?
When you’re with someone who values you, having needs feels normal. You shouldn’t have to beg for basic consideration or feel like you’re imposing by existing. If asking for what you need feels like pulling teeth, that person has trained you to expect less. Way less.
11. They Criticize You, But Can’t Handle Your Feedback
Oh, they’ve got plenty to say about what you’re doing wrong. How you load the dishwasher, how you spend your money, how you talk to your family. They’ve got opinions for days. But try offering them even the gentlest suggestion and watch them fall apart. Suddenly, you’re the bad guy for being “too critical.”
This double standard is deliberately designed to keep you off-balance. They get to pick you apart while staying immune to any reflection on their own behavior. That’s not fair, and you don’t have to accept it.
12. Your Time Gets Treated Like It’s Worthless
They show up late (if they show up at all). They keep you waiting without a heads up. They assume you’ll drop everything when they need something, but when you need their time? “Maybe later” or “let me check my schedule.” Your time has the same value as theirs. Actually, scratch that, your time might be even more valuable because you’re probably using it to accommodate them.
Ever notice how people who respect you show up when they say they will? How they don’t leave you hanging or treat your schedule like it’s flexible for their convenience? That’s because they see you as an equal. This person doesn’t.
13. They Never Ask About Your Day
“How was your day?” seems like such a basic question, right? And yet, when’s the last time they asked? When did they last show genuine interest in what’s going on in your life, your thoughts, your experiences? Compare that to how often you ask them, how much you listen, how invested you are.
The imbalance says everything. You’re interested in their world while they treat yours like optional information they can skip. People who care want to know you. Really know you. They ask questions, remember your answers, and follow up later. Anything less is laziness.
14. You’ve Started Keeping Parts of Yourself Hidden
There are things you don’t tell them anymore. Good news you’d rather share with literally anyone else. Problems you work through alone because bringing them up feels pointless. Dreams and goals you’ve stopped mentioning because they never seemed to care anyway.
You’ve learned to edit yourself around them, to make yourself smaller, to need less and share less and be less. And the scariest part? You’ve gotten so good at it that you almost don’t notice you’re doing it anymore. But you feel the weight of everything you’re holding back, all those pieces of yourself they’ll never know because they never bothered to ask.
15. They’ve Stopped Trying Completely
Remember when they used to put in effort? When they’d surprise you, plan things, show interest in what makes you happy? Yeah, those days are long gone. Now they’re on autopilot, doing the bare minimum (if that), and expecting you to be grateful for whatever scraps of attention they toss your way.
What happened is they got comfortable. They figured out you’ll stick around regardless of how little they try, so why bother? And the really painful part is realizing you’ve accepted this version of them. This lazy, checked-out version. Because you keep hoping the person they used to be will come back. But hoping doesn’t change people. Action does. And they’re not taking any.
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