Here’s the plain, hard truth: You might think you are being a nice, considerate guy, but you are failing miserably. You are trying to be funny, consistent, and caring, but your entire energy is stale. This is something that women notice instantly.
That is because attraction runs deeper than just looks or putting in the effort anymore. It is about the type of energy that you exude. This energy is reflected in the way you text, respond, move, and overall carry yourself.
Sometimes, even the best and nicest guys emanate the negative kind of boyfriend energy inadvertently. This can cause your attempts at romance to implode and never blossom into anything worthwhile or meaningful. Your relationship starts to deteriorate, and any attempts to fix it end up in devastating failure. You need to learn how you are sending the wrong signals and what you can do to eschew this. Read on and be enlightened about this crucial issue.
You are Too Available Earlier in the Game
Things start to go off the rails when you become too available too soon into the relationship. This might seem like you are showing interest, but it screams desperation to your date. You need to keep some space so that she can start missing you a bit. Remember, being mysterious isn’t equal to manipulation but rather an attempt at keeping her baited and invested.
You Tend to Overshare Too Soon
You have a tendency to overshare earlier than advised. You need to wait before you achieve a level of trust in the relationship before you tell her about your hopes, dreams, and vulnerabilities. Be confident and refrain from spewing the confessions. It is emotional dumping, and she might interpret this as desperate energy.
You Text Like a Follower
You are not going to win any prizes by acting like a follower on her social media accounts. Too much texting, excessive usage of emojis, commenting under her posts, and replying instantly are all indicators that you are emulating a moth to her flame. Play it a bit cool and keep your emotions repressed. You want to be a flame to her presence, not the fan.
Overtrying to Be Funny
She is never going to respect you if you laugh hysterically at her lightest attempt at humor or try to win her over with forced jokes. This screams insecurity, and she might pull back from your attempts at striking up a relationship. That is why we recommend that you flirt and not engage in excessive performances for her benefit or amusement.
You go for Compliments instead of Seeking Connection
She has been complimented and extolled by all of her suitors. Your compliments will do little to win her heart. You should instead focus on attaining a connection with her. Show her that you are genuinely interested in her as a person and value her capabilities and capacities instead of just her face and body. You should show interest, not infatuation or obsession.
You Try to Match Her Energy
You know you have lost your individuality when you are endeavoring too hard to mirror her energy. You try to match her mood, and this eliminates your uniqueness as a person. She is looking for a positive match, not a clone, concerning her temperament and emotions. You should be steady in your approach and avoid being reactive.
You Don’t Stick to Logic
You are guided and maneuvered by logic rather than emotions when it comes to her. You are prone to constantly analyzing what your relationship is or will be with her. This tends to decimate any latent spark in the relationship. Attraction is connected to being spontaneous, seeing how things are in the present, and not focusing on what is or will be. Love is supposed to feel uninhibited and unfettered, not dragged down by logic and analysis.
You play it too Politely
Politeness is great, but it certainly doesn’t equal passion. Women feel overjoyed and revitalized when they feel you are confident and willing to lead. They love it when you act flirty and playful openly and unabashedly.
You Give Constant Chase
Chasing a girl is good and all, but it should be mutual. If you are the only one who’s constantly chasing her, then she will lose all respect for you. She might just keep leading you on until she gets bored with it all. That is why you should pump on the brakes when needed and accord her the chance to meet you halfway.
You Try Being the Nice Guy Too Often
Nice guy energy is welcomed under the right circumstances. However, emanating too much of it can be misconceived as passivity. She will see you as a pushover instead of a kind person. You should instead try to project an energy that articulates your choice of her intentionally and that you respect her. It shouldn’t say that you would be willing to go to any lengths to please her, though.
You Avoid Tension
You are the sort of person who avoids tension in relationships. This can prove to be problematic, as even the best relationships have some stress lingering in them sporadically. It lends energy and makes the relationship dynamic. Learn to embrace it and weather the challenges to emerge even stronger than before.
Your Flirting isn’t Intentional
Women can tell when you aren’t being genuine in your flirting attempts. They can sense the pretense, the neutrality that permeates your flirting. This is indicative of a wrong boyfriend mindset, and women are repulsed by it. Your flirting attempts should feel intentional and be perceived as an attempt to keep the spark sustained by the lady concerned.
You Strive to Earn Her
You are bound to hit a brick wall if all of your attempts are directed at earning her approval and proving your worth. This robs your endeavors of all spontaneity and naturalness. Your energy should feel effortless and not transactional in the least. She is someone you look to enjoy being with, not earn like a possession or piece of furniture.
You Look for Reassurance
You are constantly irritating the other person with repeated solicitations of affirmations of liking you. You always poke her for validation and compliments. This is not confidence but rather desperation. She wants a confident person who is quietly secure in his own abilities and self. Constant checking or wanting reassurance makes you look weak and stunted in her eyes.
You Conflate Effort with Attraction
You can’t force chemistry or connection by putting in more effort. Sometimes it is wiser to relent and pull back. This creates a more conducive environment in the relationship where chemistry can flourish than a forced one ever could.
You forget that Direction is a Feature of Masculine Energy
The wrong kind of boyfriend energy lacks direction. It is the kind of energy that shows acquiescence, a willingness to do what she wants, and a dependency that she finds repulsive. The right kind of masculine energy emanates direction and a deep understanding of oneself and direction. It means leading and bringing her along for the ride. It is guiding her on a journey where you are the captain, the navigator, and the driver. That is the kind of masculine energy she loves and is moved by.
Final Thoughts
It doesn’t matter if you look great, have impeccable manners, or have the best of intentions. You might still come off like a creep who gives off the wrong boyfriend vibes. You should be a direct foil to her and not mirror her emotionally. She will be drawn to you if you endeavor to be a strong, leading man who isn’t intimidated by anything. You can strive to invoke alignment with her sense of direction by being a better companion, one who knows how to compliment, flirt, and support her through the times.
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